Food And Love

Eating food and having sex: both sensual activities that are so much more fun when you're not doing them alone. And they go well together too.Good food can help you get in the mood when you're planning to get it on, which is useful if you're strapped for time / can't be bothered with foreplay. And if you dispense with cutlery, you can use someone else's body to eat those delicious morsels off, which can be a very sexy, if slightly messy, activity.
However, not all of us get to pay homage to 9 1/2 Weeks every time we eat and / or have sex, and if you're planning a meal in public, I would imagine people might object to your licking whipped cream off your partner's stomach (or so I hear).
So if we know (or hope we know) what the main course is going to be later on, what can help set the scene for an hors d'œuvre? Choice of restaurant can be important. Most people would, I assume, try to pick somewhere they feel is "romantic", in the hope that their lover will respond by feeling amorous and more amenable to a steamy embrace later on.

Who am I to criticise this method? Clearly, it must work; in fact many of the restaurants on the Observer Food Monthly list appear to fit into this category: atmospheric interiors, soft music, candlelight. I'm sure this can help set the scene, but for some this route to seduction won't work.
Let's face it, some of us are clumsy. Some of us don't have great eyesight. Combine the two and you have wine spilled on plates and crumbs all over laps. Not a good start to the evening, really. It doesn't bode well when your lover thinks you're looking passionately into their eyes, but you're actually just trying to figure out if that really is rigatoni on their plate, or maggots.
These "romantic" restaurants might set the scene, but that scene is one of high expectations, and anything that follows may end up disappointing - not great if one is hoping for a night of hot sex.
The answer then, to my mind, is to approach this situation from the exact opposite direction. To me the sexiest meal can be had in the brightest environment with uncomfortable chairs and noisy chatter. The food itself is largely irrelevant (though it's advisable to avoid spinach, for its teeth-gripping qualities; spaghetti, for its chin-dripping likelihood; and shellfish, for the possibilities of allergic reaction or food poisoning) and it's advisable that you limit your alcohol intake prior to the point where the room begins to spin.

What's most important is that you are there with your lover and that your intent - to shag each other rotten - is made clear. Forget the longing looks over candlelight; instead, a simple hand on your partner's knee (or thigh, or ... ) and a knowing glance can say it all. There is nothing sexier than attempting to have some surreptitious nookie under the table while surrounded by a room full of people who have no idea what you are up to. The contrast is what heightens the sexual tension and can only add to what is to come later (or hopefully, very, very soon).
The only drawback to this is when you have a very attentive waiter, who apparently has a keen interest in talking you through the wine list. Again. Sometimes the service can be a little too good for one's liking ... The other thing, of course, is that if things go well, you may end up eating little of your meal and instead dash off to enjoy each other instead. But then it's not always about the food; sometimes other things should take precedent, I think, especially if you end up being the dessert.